Tag: emptiness

over and over,
again and again
i’m misunderstood
and it’s hard
because 
the repetition
makes it easy
for me 
to believe
that something
is very wrong 
with me

maybe god crossed the wires
maybe i’ve got bad genes
maybe i’ll never amount 
to anything
of value
to anyone
maybe, 
i don’t matter . . .

the thoughts hurt
they cut
and sever
my ability
to accept myself
as i am

i hope
someday 
i’ll find 
the strength
to rewire my brain
to produce thoughts
strong enough
to save me
from a lifetime
of being
misunderstood

i’m fragile
easily broken
by scowls and frowns
and the sharp edges
of voices
belonging
to people
that i love

they don’t know
their harsh expressions
and pointed words
are weapons
that shatter me
on the inside

the broken pieces
hurt and fester
in the darkness
within me
so, i’ve hidden them away
where no one can see

and now
i’m left alone
a fragile child
in an adult body
with a pile 
of shards
to sort out
by myself

i don’t know
where to begin
i don’t know
how to put myself
back together
because 
i don’t remember
what wholeness
feels like
so, i sit here
overwhelmed
and curse myself
for being fragile